


making the typical me break my typical rules

by raazberry



Category: Zombieland (2009 2019)
Genre: AU where nobody gets bitten, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Author has not watched a single Nicolas Cage film, Boys talking about their emotions, First Kiss, Fix it of sorts, Grief, I just love them very much, I'm sorry if it's bad or has spelling mistakes, It's 3 am and i just wrote this ok, M/M, Wichita (Zombieland) mentioned, but still references him, flagstaff is babey, ohaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:27:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29250684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raazberry/pseuds/raazberry
Summary: Flagstaff has several commandments for surviving in Zombieland, but there's one that he doesn't dare to break, no matter how bad the universe wants him to: His Thirty Second Commandment: Don't Get Attached.
Relationships: Columbus/Flagstaff
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	making the typical me break my typical rules

**Author's Note:**

> title from sucker by jonas brothers because that's all i could think of

Flagstaff has several commandments for surviving in Zombieland, but there's one that he doesn't dare to break, no matter how bad the universe wants him to: His Thirty Second Commandment: Don't Get Attached. 

He's broken it before, once, and it broke him so much in turn so that he had to make it a rule, a principle, so that he'd stay in one piece.

But then he meets Columbus and suddenly all of his commandments feel meaningless, except for one: Expect the Unexpected.

Columbus makes it so ridiculously easy to get attached to him; with his soft, curly hair, and his absolute fervor for family and survival. Columbus makes him want to break all of his rules (not that he'd ever let him -- he'd probably say,  _No, Flagstaff, rules aren't meant to be broken,_ with that goddamn lopsided smile and fuck. It had happened. Flagstaff had officially backslid. So much for survival and staying unbroken.

Him and Albuquerque were supposed to be staying at the motel for the next two weeks, and Flagstaff wanted to make the most of it, so he decided to spend all of his waking hours with Columbus, talking to him, and getting to know him better. And Columbus didn't mind anyway, if anything, he was just as pumped to spend time with him. 

On a slightly cold Tuesday night, Flagstaff reveals his thirty second commandment to Columbus, who just frowns at him. 

"Dude, we have so much in common, like so fucking much, but I kinda disagree. Getting attached to people can be... a nightmare sometimes, but other times you can get love, a family out of it," Columbus says with a half-smile on his face. 

"It's just never gone all that well for me, I mean, Albuquerque has been with me for like 3 years now and we don't know shit about each other," Flagstaff takes a deep breath, "It's not that we don't um, you know, Love each other, but we also try to think realistically? If one of us is... gone, the other one has to go on and still keep living, you know?"

"I get what you mean, but like, what about having a family? Or just people who you know will love you even when you're a mess, or when you're not there anymore? Personally, if something was to happen to like, Wichita, I'd cry for weeks, y'know?" Columbus sighs. "Please don't tell her I said that." 

"I mean, there are people I'd miss if they were gone, there  are people I do miss because they're gone, but grief is just so... hard to deal with, and when you add running away from zombies on top of that, it's like being in a terrible Nicholas Cage film." 

"I mean, yeah, of course, grief is pretty hard to deal with but that's kind of the point? That even after you're gone, you still have an impact on the people you once loved," Columbus clears his throat, "For example, you try to eat the people you once loved, because you're a zombie." 

Flagstaff snickers. "Did that happen to you, because what the fuck."

"It was an old high school girlfriend, I was just so fucking shocked, like what the fuck, dude. You're the first person I made out with, and now you're trying to eat my brains out. That's like, tenth base or something." 

Flagstaff giggles, and then his face turns rather serious. "Fuck. Honestly, I would miss you if something was to happen to you. You're so, cool, and funny and nice, man," He holds one of Columbus' hands. "Not to sound like, a bad boy, or whatever, but you make me want to break number 32." 

"Uh-huh?" Columbus asks, his cheeks turning red. "For the record, I'd miss you too, you know."

Flagstaff blushes too, suddenly very aware of how close Columbus is sitting next to him. He can literally feel his breath on his face, and for some reason it doesn't even fucking feel weird, it should, it fucking should, but it doesn't—

"If this really was a terrible Nicholas Cage film, we'd like, kiss right now," Columbus says, looking him right in the eye. He looks hopeful. 

"Yeah?" Flagstaff says, softly. Columbus closes the distance between them with a firm kiss. 

"Don't leave with Albuquerque. You can stay with us. I just, I don't want you to go. I don't want you to give me the chance to miss you." 

Flagstaff nods in response, with a bright smile on his face. He cups Columbus' cheek and kisses him gently. Columbus smiles against his lips. 

Maybe some rules _are_ meant to be broken , Flagstaff thinks. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading if u did <3 i'm sorry this isn't my best work but the lack of content about them was bothering me, so. 
> 
> follow me on twitter @zchwoods :) comments & kudos are always appericiated!


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